It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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