Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
