i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
