If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i now understand why vodka
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
