if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
