Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
