Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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