**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You've changed since you got that strap on
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