If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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