We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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