Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
