You're so nebulous sometimes
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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