I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
