I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
