My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
