everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
