I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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