I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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