New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
