we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
