Non-Jews are for practice
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Randomize
