So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize