this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
