This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
