Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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