Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
