pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
