Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
