the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
