already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
