You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
