please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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