Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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