My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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