Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
