She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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