T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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