he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
