I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
