I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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