It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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