I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
