Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
