But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
