Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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