i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
