dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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