Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
