You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
