Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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