I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
