So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
