She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
