Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
