That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
