brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
