She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
They took my balls.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
