life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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