his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
