MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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