You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Can vaginas get frostbite?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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