Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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