you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
