Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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