If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
