Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
