I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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